flashbacks...

I want to forget...

I can't forget

Everywhere there's something that remind me of what was there, of what could have been...

Why?

Why was this decided to be the best option?

Can I change my mind? Because I think I don't agree

Why didn't I just stand for what I thought and believed in?

Maybe it felt like the right choice at that point in time, but I'm certain nothing would have been regretted a year or 2 from now

Can I just please have another shot at this?

Because I'm sure I would do the right thing this time

I put the blame on you which in the end comes back to me...
- But I would have been ok with hating you, thou now I have to live with hating myself...

Maybe just one more shot?

Because if this would have been the right choice I wouldn't have troubles sleeping, I wouldn't need help to sleep, to get through the days, I wouldn't feel so lost, empty

So I know it was wrong, isn't that good enough to get a new chance? If I understood?

I still can't believe it thou, and when I realize what I did I'm ashamed of myself, and of you... you should have known better

I close my eyes and I can see it, it's there... every single time, to remind me

The feeling will always be there, but you don't know what I'm talking about, because it wasn't necessary

Every day I think about how things could have been, what it would be like

Maybe if we just go back in time for a while... I promise to do it right this time



Can you forget?

Do you want to forget?

I think I do but then I realize I want to remember, it would be even more shameful if I forgot... inhuman... cold... scary

but if we remember can we remember together, because I would like that I think

I want to move on, but I don't know how hard it will be, maybe too hard

How do you move on?

- The first song was played on my very much beloved aunties funeral.
It's a very beautiful song called - "I borrowed an angel"