Sophia

sophia is growing!

A Goal

On our way to Estonia

In order for time to pass faster there are a few goals I have set - milestones. Today I got a new one. It's a surprise thou, so I can't really talk about it here.

Anywho, classes went fast yesterday - two easy students. Today it will be worse - 7 students - 7 different levels, 7 different personalities.
I cleaned the whole house yesterday in anticipation of not having the time today, so now I just need to finalize the classes - I already decided more or less what we will go through.

Yesterday I talked with my sister for the first time since we got here... It was nice.
I miss everyone back home.
Memo talked with her too, told her we're naming the baby Sophia (probably), they seemed excited.
I have been super busy since we got back from Vallarta, and I hope that I will have time to write everyone I need to write soon - be patient please!

Puss

Serious

This teaching thing has become serious.
I had 5 students yesterday, and per week I will teach 13 classes.

Today I only have two - thank god, I am exhausted.
I started preparing one of them, and I hope that it will last 1½h.

Memo and I have pretty much decided on a name now... Sophia
We're testing it.
It was between Sophia, Isabella and Clara in the end.
We also started thinking about her room - Memo wants to design her crib and changing table and stuff (that is his job after all).
Time is running out! Haha... we have a lot to fix and sort out before she gets here.

Now I need to clean up the mess, start thinking about lunch and rest before the classes get here!

Breakfast time

One year ago in Vallarta

After a weekend in Vallarta you are supposed to feel a bit rested - I slept an hour more than I usually do this morning.
The weekend was fun, it was very much necessary for us to get away - considering, you know. We talked through a lot of things, it feels better - on its way to good hopefully.
The baby is growing, and at now it is starting to become very visible that I am pregnant - fun - hence more real for Memo.
I would have showed pictures of our adventures, but my camera is having issues since "the beer incident" last year, and I need a cable for Memo's camera - tomorrow maybe.
Today's schedule is packed - the normal cleaning and cooking, I need to prepare for two classes and hold the classes - all new students, groups of kids as I understood it. We will see how it goes.

I never disliked monday's before, but do now. Monday's mean I am alone again... Memo leaves at 6 am and doesn't come back from the MBA until past 22 (10pm) on weekdays. He does pass my for lunch in the afternoon, but that's not long.
I usually don't mind being alone, but that's when it's my choice, and I can change it by seeing friends.
Oh well...

Puss

Development

A lot happens with the baby every week now.

Vallarta

I received my newsletter this morning, and according to the average she should be about 27 cm by now - that's almost half a meter (since a meter in my world is 60 cm - it might not make sense to you, but that doesn't mean you're right!).

Her kicking is also getting more intense - it's pretty cool, especially when you see the whole belly move.

Yesterdays classes went fine. The first girl is calm and cute, so there are no problems - we played games and watched Justin Bieber songs in French - she was happy she said.
But then came the four kids - siblings - and the calm, organized atmosphere was over. OMG!
So, imagine 4 siblings (3 sisters and 1 brother), ages 7 - 13, one which seems to have an attention disorder.
Oh sweet lord, it was an adventure alright... they're sweet and cute, but four at the same time was a lot to handle. Luckily, they will come in pairs from now on, so that's good.

Back to  (boring) baby related stuff -  my back is killing me. Not fun at all, and yesterday I spent most of the day trying to forget about it.

Anyways, I am off for the weekend

Puss

Thursday

I woke up tired today - and after my daily morning news routine I am still tired.
It was a long day yesterday.
I got to speak to baby Vincent - it was bed time thou, and although I got a quick smile, he quickly lost interest.

After having tried to sort out some administrative problems encountered with JIBS -  I am trying hard not to insult them right now - I went on to "the usual" - clean, cook, eat, clean...
We quickly went out to a mall to run an errand, and also had time to sneak in some baby clothes window shopping.

The (almost in-existent) belly

In the afternoon a few new students came by, and they start - today.
So I had to prepare two classes yesterday - it's done and they are waiting for the kids.
Today I have the same student I had on Tuesday - so it will be nice to see a familiar face, as well as the 4 siblings - all beginners = a challenge!

Tomorrow it's Friday, and we're planning on going to Vallarta for the weekend. Although, planning doesn't always mean it will happen.

We will see.

Puss

Teacher

Vincent

Yesterday was my grand debut as a french teacher for kids - försökskanin: 8 year old girl.
It went well.
I thought her level was higher than it was, but it will be better in the end (;
Now I just need to find games and stuff like that for the 2h a week to be fun for her - suggestions are welcome!!!!!!

Other than that, yesterday was long and event-less. I haven't been sleeping well, and it's starting to catch up.

I am having breakfast right now - oh, yes, I am responsible now - and most importantly more hungry (;
trying to figure out what we should have for lunch. I am not in the mood for something elaborate... maybe just chicken and vegetables.

Today I give you an old picture that you've already seen. I am sorry, but I miss my little Vincent so much. I can't think about him without getting tears in my eyes. I wish I could see him soon... soon in his world. But it will be soon in our world - march-ish.

On to the daily chores - cleaning and doing the dishes - adult life.

Puss

The New Mexican Life

I have been here for a week and a half, but we didn't get internet until yesterday morning.

All is good, I am alive and life is moving forward - fast.
From my post yesterday you might have been able to figure out the big news:
Memo and I are going to have a little baby girl in January - we got to the half mark last week - 19½ weeks left now.
It is very exciting, and we can't wait for January to come.
Sadly I do not look pregnant at all - someone who doesn't know me would say it's a joke - but it is starting to change.

Other than those life changing news, I am starting to give private classes in French today. I will be teaching kids french in afternoons here - should be interesting.
I haven't had much to do this week, so I finished Anna Karenina - in a week and 2 days = I had too much time.



I liked it... today I am starting "War and Peace" - same author.

Puss

A baby girl

Guess who this is for? We dont have a name for her yet, but by January we should have been able to come up with something. 5 more montha and she's here... we're half way through!

Hope

Sometimes we fuck up, and need a chance to redeem ourselves.
Everyone should be given a chance, and if you see that they try to make it better and improve, you can start re-building life.

Today I have been inspired, I have seen the power of love... It's amazing. I hope I will experience that one day.

Fighting, to fight to survive, to be happy and loved... The path is long and bumpy, but if in the end of the tunnel there are people that love you - you will fight harder than you thought was possible.

I just want to say:

You can do it, you have our support, and we know you are strong enough... And at the end you will feel happiness again - the same way I could after fighting through my tunnel (a few years ago).

Love!

Puss

Summer thursday

vincent is enjoying a book on teaching, he's a smart young man

The worse part..

There are good parts with living "an international" life... but there are awful ones too
The worse one is the good bye's

4 Months ago 

For me the good bye's have started... they really started in June when I left Jönköping, but this time it is more real...
This time I am not saying good bye to go "home"... but saying good bye leaving home - going no where safe.

One of the worse good bye's are going to be tomorrow... Vincent.
It will not only be difficult for the obvious reason that I will miss him, and wont see him for a year or so... but mostly because when I come back he will not know who I am.
I love this boy more than anything in the world, and the fact that we will not have a relationship is devastating - being a stranger when I come back will be difficult to handle. I would love to see him grow up, I have enjoyed the past months so much, seeing him develop - becoming a tiny person. To leave - it breaks my heart.
I cannot imagine how it will feel to say bye to him tomorrow - probably as if though I am saying bye for the last time - which I know I am not, but it will be out of control.
I will see him on Skype, sure... but babies do not work like that, Skype doesn't matter to him, not more than the ring tone, which is fun - the image is nothing.
But I will come back to see him again - mitt lilla busfrö - min älskling... and then I will stay.
I will be back soon... not that it matters to him, he's too small to understand ):

I wish there was a solution, that there would be a reason for me to stay here - sadly Vincent isn't reason enough, although I wish he was.
I find reasons every day not to go, but out of respect I will be - if the respect is mutual.

today

Today I was in Stockholm... Said good bye to Maz, who was a really good friend of mine in Jönköping. I hadn't seen him for a year and a half, so it was a weird feeling - hi and bye.
I hope I will see him again, but one can never be sure about the future.
Maz and I would talk about everything, and he is one of the few people who knows the "real" me.
I will miss him a lot... as I miss all my friends.

Tonight it will be difficult to fall asleep - a lot of thoughts going around in my mind, and a lot of tears will be shed.

Can I hide underneath my bed and come out on Thursday?!
Please?

Apple Pie

My mom made apple pie today - very tasty.

We babysat Vincent all day, eventless as usual, he's an easy going baby.

I am tired now, nothing on tv and nothing else to do.

Tomorrow I should be going to Stockholm to meet up with Maz, whom I haven't seen for a year and a half or so - should be fun.

Puss

To be true...

I haven't been the happiest person lately, and I have let this through here.
I hope you all understand that this is my blog, where I air out, this is my therapist.

I have had to deal with a person over the past year that isn't easy for me to understand, and when I don't understand I become frustrated.
It doesn't happen to me often, I can usually see how a person thought to come to the conclusion to do a certain thing - but with this person this is not possible for me.
Several people have given me the reason for this, I came to to same conclusion - but that can't be changed. Someone's intelligence cannot be changed just because I would like it to be.
*Side note - Not meant in a bad or mean way but in this way:

• Intelligence has been defined in different ways, including the abilities for abstract thought, understanding, communication, reasoning, learning, planning, emotional intelligence and problem solving. - Ours are just very different.

Our problems would cover of all of the above - excluding the first one.

I have also been bothered by something else - the realization of a "friend" not being the person I thought they were. I put my friends on pedestals - this proved that I should be more careful.
This friend showed me a lack of respect, understanding, ability to listen, analyze, friendliness, selflessness - there was nothing good left after the conversation was over - the illusion was destroyed.

I get it, it sucks listening to a friend that complains or is negative about its situation. But I believe that as a friend, I should do this - to an extent that is what friends are for, listening to the other persons problems and give constructive criticism.
But please bare with me, I will soon have processed these two people's actions, and when that is done you will be getting my happy old posts again.

Today we went to Vallby and enjoyed a day off from babysitting Vincent.
It was nice, and we enjoyed a nice lunch there.

Puss

Summer thursday

Findus is enjoying the 25c's in the shadow

My Mamma

Min Mamma - my Mom is an amazing independent woman, and if I ever gave anyone the opposite impression I apologize, but you must have misunderstood.

My mom is beautiful and smart.
A kindergarten teacher, went to university, worked abroad for a while.
She owns her house and her car, she eats well, lives well and depends on no one.
She did not "suffer" from the divorce - more than emotionally.
She is not one of those weak women who is nothing without their husband, who is not capable of working and earning their own living, and who cannot create her own happiness - she's a fighter.
So again, if something I  said let someone believe that - forget it - maybe less assumptions should be made and more facts should be known in order to draw a conclusion like that - but well ppl are what they are - idioter.

Just FYI... felt that it needed to cleared out

Another thing that needs to be cleared out, I have certain values, a moral standard... ethics.
I will not expect you (the rest) to have the same moral standards as I do, and I respect that - but do not try to push me into doing something that is unethical in my (and most of the civilized worlds) eyes, and do not call me stupid for not doing it.

Air cleared - for the moment... There's more to come!

Me

In Ankara 2010

I can be a bit much to handle for some.
I have quite the mood - especially recently, as some have had to experience.
But when you really get to know me you learn that I can be trusted.
I live by: "I treat you the way you treat me". Not always the best, but it works pretty well, better than how I used to live; say yes, agree, hide, have no opinion. Most importantly it helps me seed out the wrong people.
I might come off as harsh, but I believe I am pretty fair.
I will give everyone a second chance, three even - sometimes too many chances are given = I become disappointed.
A rule that some people have learnt is: do not disappoint me. I take it to a different level - I become incredibly hurt.
In general (normal circumstances), I can be pushed pretty far.
I can take quite a lot before reacting.
But when that drop falls, the one that makes the glass full it's too late.
I am good at games - when I decide to join in.
I am mean - few people have seen this, but if  you push me - suit yourself.
It doesn't take much to make me happy - respect.
If you respect me, all is good - we will be good friends, family.
There are few reasons to why I would "stop" a friendship or a relationship;
*Not keeping in touch - or more specifically, only keeping in touch when beneficial to "you"
*No respect

But even if I am a bitch, and mean and whatever people call me, I am me, and some people actually like me the way I am.



I have amazing friends, I am not the best at keeping in touch with them, but I try to do it.

8 days

Only 8 days left.

I don't want to - I want to stay here.
But well, I got myself into this situation now I need to deal with it the best way possible.
I really do wish I could stay here thou, I don't want to leave, I don't want to leave my mom, Vincent, AK, the cats...
I wish things were different.
It makes me cry - even if I know it's useless.
But I will come back. I will make sure to come back, as soon as it's possible.
I want to be close to my family, I love them.
And to be around people you love, trust and care about is more important than anything else - I have that in Sweden not Mexico (With the exception of a few friends of course).

Mexico in 8 days...